Week 3 Audit: New Blood, Old Excuses

Gizmo Goldscrap here, Chief Ledger Officer of this fine establishment, back with another audit of who's earning their keep and who's currently filed under "assets, questionable." Three new names just landed on my books this week, the boss on the far side of Ula'tek is still refusing to sign the paperwork, and at least one of you has decided that "progress" is a concept that applies to other people. Let's open the ledger.

Raiding

The Coiled Altar is dead on heroic. One less name on the roster of things standing between us and a clean tier, and I've filed it accordingly — paid in full.

Meanwhile the real story remains Ula'tek, still standing at the end of the heroic gauntlet like he's got something to prove. Best pull on record: 36.62% remaining. That's progress, technically, in the same way a boulder rolling slightly less far down a hill is progress. Keep pushing — the ledger doesn't close itself.

And speaking of new entries: please welcome Nona, Slonvmedu, and Ella to the books. I've already got a file started on Nona — word on the street is she's got a habit of lusting two lone mobs like they personally wronged her, and a real commitment to disengaging off ledges, presumably to safety and not, say, into the nearest chasm out of spite. I'm cautiously optimistic. The other two remain unknowns, which in my line of work is its own kind of red flag. Prove me wrong.

Guild Chatter

A note from the community relations file. SimplyEdvin came to me this week with a business proposal — his words, not mine. He'd like to offer his mythic+ services for keys. When I asked what he brings to the table, the answer arrived in four installments: he's a cow, he throws fireballs, and in exchange for these services, he receives the privilege of being a cow who throws fireballs. I've reviewed the contract. It's circular. I'm still auditing it.

Also, a gentle reminder from management: keep the Gizmo emoji reactions coming. My spy network runs on goodwill and little else, and right now goodwill is running low.

Weekly Scores

Let's talk numbers. Some of you moved this week. Some of you did not. The ledger doesn't lie, so let's go through the books.

First, a milestone worth stamping in gold ink: Kara just crossed the line into Keystone Hero Supreme. Yzarin's range score climbed from 3257 to 3386, Lorian pushed melee from 2301 all the way up to 2635 while holding tank steady near 2644, and Dajani's healing crept from 2391 to 2525. Three characters, three roles, all trending up, and the paperwork to prove it. That's not a good week, that's a promotion. Congratulations, Kara — the ledger's buying the drinks on this one.

Nick also deserves a mention — Fanzel's DPS climbed from 2122 to 2251, and tank went from 2144 to a genuinely respectable 2479. Two roles, real gains, and tanking's never been the popular kid at this table, so extra credit there. Healer's still sitting at zero, but nobody said the whole ledger needed balancing in one week.

Xytrixz — I need everyone to sit with this one for a second. DPS went from 2131 to 3003. That's not a climb, that's a heist. Tank and healer stayed exactly where they were, which tells me all the effort went into one column this week. I respect the commitment to a single cause. I'd respect it more spread across all three.

Now, the roster that's giving me the most paperwork: Rantheza. Melee's up nicely, 2657 to 2839, good on you. But range, tank, and healer are all sitting at zero. Three unfilled slots is less "team" and more "solo project with backup dancers who never showed up." Someone needs to file a missing persons report on Leynhara, Tondrangront, and Inarris.

And then there's Marty. Asibia's DPS: 325.8. Eliarien's tank: 0. Asibia's healer: 2873.5, which is genuinely good, and I want that on the record — but it hasn't moved an inch, not up, not down, not sideways. Nothing happened this week. The ledger shows zero activity across the board, which is impressive in its own way, like watching a plant not grow. I believe in you, Marty. I just don't have any evidence for it yet.

Outro

BlizzCon's on the horizon, and I'm feeling generous — Gizmo's ledger will extend a rare grace period on M+ attendance this week. Enjoy it. It will not happen again.

And if you're not signed up yet, the books are still open. It's never too late to get filed. Just log in with your battle.net account — the invite code is pinned in our Discord, in the mythic+ channel. Everyone's welcome. The ledger has room for one more line.