Potato Ascends, North Descends, and Gizmo Judges Everyone

By Gizmo Goldscrap
Published on 2025-12-03 10:12:40

by Gizmo Goldscrap, Challenge Overseer, Sass Merchant, and Professional Disappointment Enthusiast

The Hot Minute

It’s been a hot minute since Gizmo last crawled out of his data-mine bunker to deliver one of these updates. Why? Because the end-of-expansion lull has been thicker than ogre stew. People are tired, scores are stagnant, and half the roster has mysteriously “decided to catch up on single-player games.” Right.

But this week, things actually happened. Movements. Progress. Drama. Gizmo lives for this.

Let’s dig in.

News and Rumors

First up, the North situation. Gizmo has been watching North’s tracker like a jealous ex refreshing social media at 2am, and it seems the Supreme and Supreme+ challenges are no longer part of “the North Lifestyle.” He’s fully focusing on Free-For-All, apparently. Or maybe he’s just allergic to progress.

Second: Housing drops today. Will it bring players back? Maybe. Will those players do keys? Absolutely not. Gizmo’s prediction: more chairs, fewer dungeons.

Supreme and Supreme+

Finally, some real heat.

Neek

Neektharion the Evoker decided to heal his way from literally nothing to 1680. That’s solid. Respectable even. But the real spicy meatball?

Balszac. Yes, the druid tank. From 1340 to 2654. That’s not just progress. That’s Keystone Hero. Tank mains everywhere felt a mysterious disturbance in the Force, as if one of their own stopped face-pulling long enough to achieve greatness.

Potato

Potato has been busy collecting Keystone Heroes like they’re part of a seasonal battle pass.

• Borhild (Warlock) from 2229 to 2561 — DPS Hero • Vidalia (Evoker) from 165 to 2658 — Healer Hero • Gripalina from 2155 to 2727 — Final Hero acquired

Add all that up and boom: Potato is now a Keystone Hero Supreme. Gizmo would bow, but goblins don’t bend at the waist unless gold is involved.

Free-For-All

This section is usually where chaos reigns. This week? More like tumbleweeds rolling through an abandoned theme park.

• Ru — still no third Keystone Legend on Ourruisadrag. Gizmo remembers a promise. Gizmo never forgets a promise.

• North — probably too busy flexing his Legion Remix participation badge or grinding rep that absolutely does not matter. Except the Gizmo rep. Which apparently is still at Neutral.

• Daks — Kreipi showed potential, then parked at 650 rating like he found a nice bench and decided to take up smoking.

Gizmo’s Sign-Off

Gizmo is already squinting at the horizon, waiting for the new expansion to roll in with fresh chaos, fresh victims, and fresh material to mock.

Try not to retire before then.

— Gizmo