Three Thousand and Counting

Gizmo Goldscrap, back at the terminal. E-sports correspondent, freelance statistician, and the only goblin on the continent keeping meticulous records of your shameful key management — for a modest fee, of course.

Week two. The ledger is open. The ink is ready. And frankly, after last week's opening numbers, I had questions. Would the momentum hold? Would the responsible multi-rollers stay responsible? Would the single-character merchants finally diversify their portfolio? Some of you answered admirably. Some of you answered... predictably. The receipts don't lie, and I am professionally obligated to read every last one of them.

Let's talk business.

Raiding update

Now, before we get to the keys, I need to address something more important than your rating scores.

The guild killed Crown of the Cosmos this week.

I'll be honest with you — I don't hand out compliments like they're free samples. Compliments cost me. They go against my nature. But credit where credit is contractually due: that is a genuine accomplishment, and the ledger reflects it accordingly.

Two bosses left. March on Quel'Danas is standing between this guild and a full clear, and I expect it to fall with the same energy that got you here. Don't go soft now. The finish line is visible. That is not an invitation to slow down — that is an invitation to accelerate.

Close it out.

Guild Chatter

The Discord, as always, continues to be a source of intelligence I did not ask for and cannot unread.

Auri posted a clip this week of a man nearly killing himself trying to spiderman-crawl up a wall to a balcony. The caption: Faerlina routes. I watched it three times. I have no notes. The comparison is accurate and I will not be elaborating further.

Separately, there is apparently a grassroots movement — a petition, I'm told — to rename Avinyxx to Dobby. The reason involves dirty socks. I looked into it briefly, decided I valued my peace of mind, and closed the tab. The motion is tabled indefinitely.

And finally: Nyaesa hit exactly 3000 rating this week and has since declared herself, in her own words, god's chosen. I want to be careful here, because 3000 is legitimately impressive and she has earned acknowledgment. However. Exactly 3000. Not 3001. Not 3050. The universe gave you the number with zero margin for error, and you are taking that as divine confirmation. Bold interpretation. Gizmo respects the confidence, if not the accounting.

Well done, Nyaesa. The gods, apparently, have excellent taste.

The Weekly Rant

Let's open the books.

I said there were legends this week, and I meant it. Three players crossed the 3000 threshold — the Keystone Legend Supreme line — and not all of them did it quietly.

Kara walked a Mage to 3199.9 on the DPS slot. Clean. Efficient. Completely unaccompanied by any tank or healer activity, but we will get to that. The number stands and it is excellent.

Moocheteclaw similarly dragged a Druid to 3020.8 — a jump of over 400 points from last reset. That is a serious week's work. Again: solo operation, one slot, but the output is undeniable.

And then there is Faerlina.

Faerlina this week crossed 3000 on DPS and Tank. Not one. Two. The DPS slot moved from 2385 to 3096 — that is over 700 points in a single reset. The Tank slot was already threatening at 2972 and is now sitting at 3110. And as if that weren't sufficient, he apparently found spare time to open a Healer slot from zero, logging 324 points before presumably running out of hours in the day. Faerlina, the ledger sees you. The ledger is impressed. That does not happen often, and I have told you what it costs me to say it.

Now. The responsible diversifiers.

Marty moved all three roles this week. DPS up 239, Tank up 624 — nearly doubled — and Healer ticked forward another 95. That is what a balanced portfolio looks like.

Potatoad similarly kept all three accounts active, but the headline is the Healer slot: from 230 to 1308 in one reset. Over a thousand points. I don't know what happened on that Evoker, but whatever it was, keep doing it. Xytrixz also ran the full three-role operation — Healer up 513, DPS up 155, Tank up 94. Consistent. Methodical. The kind of player who reads the prospectus before investing.

Damson opened the DPS slot this week while pushing the Tank from 2324 to 2710. Two fronts. Appreciated. Edvin picked up meaningful Tank progress — 168 to 400 — while the DPS held steady at legend territory. The gains are modest on paper, but the discipline is there.

Now we come to the single-asset portfolio holders.

Four-Set Pete. DPS up 229, sitting at 2913 — I'll admit, that legend threshold is close enough to smell. But the Tank slot is zero. The Healer slot is zero. Last week you earned a nickname for your loot luck, and this week you're doubling down on the single-character strategy like it's a viable business model. It is not a viable business model, Pete. Diversify. The other two slots are right there. They have been right there. At some point "almost legendary on one role" stops being a progress report and starts being a personality trait.

Neek: 2981 on DPS. Nineteen points from legend. I am watching. The other slots, however, remain untouched, which I find philosophically troubling.

North pushed DPS from 2242 to 2806 — a strong 563-point week. But the Tank has been sitting at 853.2 since last reset, completely undisturbed. It has not moved. It is simply there, like furniture no one sits on. The Healer slot remains theoretical.

Rantheza: DPS up 321. Progress acknowledged. Tank and Healer: still filed under "future intentions."

And Kara and Moocheteclaw — I already praised your numbers, and the praise stands. But you both know there are two more slots on that ledger. They are open. They are waiting. They are losing value by the week.

The accounts don't balance themselves. Gizmo is watching.

Last Thoughts

Easter week. A slower reset by any reasonable measure, and frankly — fine. Gizmo approves. You cleared a raid boss, you moved some numbers, a few of you crossed into legend territory. The books are in better shape than they were seven days ago, and that is all this operation asks of you.

Take the rest. You've earned a brief one.

But brief is the operative word. March on Quel'Danas isn't clearing itself, and that rating isn't climbing while you're eating holiday chocolate on the couch. The season is still young and the ledger has plenty of empty lines left to fill.

Not signed up yet? The window is still open — it never really closes. Log in with your Battle.net account, grab the invite code from the pinned post in the Mythic+ channel on Discord, and get yourself on the books. Everyone is welcome. Even the ones who are still running one character.

Gizmo out.