Potato Shows How It’s Done, Daks Doesn’t

By Gizmo Goldscrap
Published on 2025-09-17 09:43:12

Week 5, baby! Time flies when you’re watching half the guild crawl toward their ratings like snails in quicksand. But hey, some of you actually remembered to push keys this week, so I don’t have to light all the torches. Grab your potions, tighten your belts, and let’s see who’s worth roasting and who’s worth bragging about.

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Rules

For anyone still confused (looking at you, the guy who thought +7s would cut it):

• Keystone Master Supreme – hit 2000 rating in one (or more) of the challenges. That’s the bare minimum for me to stop sighing when I see your name.
• Keystone Hero Supreme – climb to 2500 rating. Yes, it’s higher. No, your alt doesn’t count.
• Keystone Legend Supreme – the big one. 3000 rating. You want glory? You want bragging rights? You want me to maybe, maybe say something nice? This is where you aim.

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News and Rumours

• Xy has benched their Demon Hunter and dusted off a Death Knight. Will it be a frosty rise to the top or a graveyard shift? Stay tuned.
• Potato has abandoned her shaman Cement (RIP, little rock buddy) and swapped to monk life with Loralina. Smart move? We’ll see if fists beat lightning.
• Meanwhile in raid news: the guild’s achievement run went well… except for the mice. Turns out, vermin > raiders. Who knew?

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Masters, Heroes, and Legends

Now for the part where I pretend I’m impressed:

• Legendary single-character grinders: Edvin with Simplyedvin, Kat with Gnamethistle, Iva with Ivadk, Faerlina with Faerlina, Neek with Nevayrah, and Epe with Mystale. Legends forged, egos inflated.
• And a big shoutout to Potato, who—after the switch—smashed both Keystone Master Supreme AND Hero Supreme. That’s right, double-dipping in glory like a true champ.

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Supreme & Supreme+

Let’s talk shop. First up, Xy. Remember when they parked the Demon Hunter at 2368 and decided “nah, let’s try Death Knight”? Well, turns out necrotic vibes suit them—Xytrixzdk is sitting at 2649 DPS rating. That’s right, a switcheroo that actually paid off. Tactic works! Of course, in Supreme standings it doesn’t shake things too hard, since the rest of the Xy empire is chilling below 2500: mage at 2203, healer monk at 2008, and poor Xydemon flopping around as a 2362 tank. Points across the board, but not enough for fireworks yet.

And then there’s the slackers. You know who you are. Gizmo sees you, Gizmo judges you. Running one toon to glory while your alts rot at zero? Classic.

• Epedemik is a tale of extremes. Death Knight and DPS alts snoozing at zero, while Mystale the shaman healer rockets up to a 3043 rating. That’s what we call “all eggs in one healing basket.”
• Faerlina keeps flexing—monk DPS at 2455, but the real flex is a 3063 tank rating. Healer alt? Completely abandoned. But hey, someone’s gotta hold the door.
• Marty, our resident “variety project.” Warrior at zero, Evoker dabbling at 1356, and a priest healer flexing a 2908 rating. Tank druid? Don’t even ask, it’s zero. Balance? Never heard of it.
• Neek is rocking the rollercoaster: hunter Nevayrah at a shiny 3002 rating, but Razanth crawling at 1143, and the rest—healer and tank—collecting dust at zero. Peak Neek energy.
• North, somehow the picture of consistency: Demon Hunter Lucifearo nearly legendary at 2881, but the other alts are basically vacationing. Hunter at 573, healer and tank at—you guessed it—zero.
• Potato, after all that monk switching, left the rest of the stable to die. Warlock, Evoker healer, DK tank… all zeros across the board. At least Loralina is doing the heavy lifting.
• Rantheza is pushing with Demon Hunter at 2815, but the rest of the team? Mage, healer, and tank all at zero. It’s a one-man band, folks, and the song is “Carry Me Harder.”

Moral of the story? A few of you are carrying like champs, but most of your alts are napping harder than a goblin after raid night. Supreme+ means spreading the glory across roles, people—not leaving three of your specs in the dirt.

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Free-For-All

What a circus. Free-For-All looks less like a leaderboard and more like somebody’s abandoned alt-stable. Half-played characters, half-baked attempts—it’s almost like some of you read “free-for-all” as “roll every class and hope one sticks.” Spoiler: it doesn’t.

But hey, miracles happen. We actually have two shining examples of focus.

• Daks: Liealer the hunter is sitting at 2792 rating. The paladin and demon hunter? Zeros. Flatlined. Daks went all in on one character. Problem is, it’s the wrong kind of focus—like showing up to a buffet and only eating bread rolls.
• Now, Potato on the other hand… chef’s kiss. Hunter at 2716, priest at 2832, monk at 2607. That’s what focus looks like, folks. The good kind. Balanced, spread out, and with results to back it up. Oh, and Potato already snagged Keystone Master Supreme AND Hero Supreme in the process.

So here’s your homework: stop scattering your energy across fifteen half-geared alts and learn from Potato. Pick a plan, stick to it, and for the love of gold don’t let Daks be your role model.

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Honorable Mention: The Kat Pack™

Sometimes you look at a roster and think, “ah yes, a balanced spread of classes and roles.” And then there’s Kat. Ladies and gents, welcome to the Kat Pack™—an all-monk lineup so committed it makes Brewfest look under-themed.

• Gnamethistle – 3063 rating. The crown jewel, punching legendary status like it’s nothing.
• Miaomiao – 2763 rating. Strong second, still flexing hard.
• Katchi – 1555 rating. Middling, but hey, at least it logged in.
• Katkick – 975 rating. More like Katnap, honestly.
• Katastrophe – 0 rating. Aptly named.

It’s equal parts impressive and unhinged. But hey, if anyone was gonna turn “alt army” into a martial arts dojo, it was Kat. Respect.

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Healer All-Star

Sound the alarms, polish the trophies, and get those mana potions chilled—because we’ve got our first Keystone Master Healer All-Star!

Marty pulled it off, folks. The man rolled into the healer pit and said “why not all of them?” Paladin at 2230, Holy Priest flexing a monstrous 2908, Shaman at 2204, Monk at 2067, Druid at 2268, Evoker at 2119, and even a Discipline Priest at 2053.

That’s right—seven healers, all dragged across the finish line. It’s less “alt management” and more “medical malpractice with style.” But numbers don’t lie: Marty is officially the first to hit Keystone Master Healer All-Star. Congratulations, doc—you’ve got more certifications than half the guild combined.

And Kat? Well… she technically has a healer alt. Thistlebear, druid, 166 rating. Not exactly carrying the torch. More like carrying a damp leaf.

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Single Character High Rollers

Let’s give it up for the top five absolute grinders, the ones dragging their mains up the ladder and making the rest of you look like you’ve been AFK in Valdrakken.

1. Skirlink (3302) – sitting pretty at the top, proving once again that “carry harder” is not just a suggestion, it’s a lifestyle.
2. Simplyedvin (3167) – close behind, chomping at the heels, but second place is still second place.
3. Macheteclaw (3090) – sharp name, sharper rating. Solidly legendary.
4. Catbab (3067) – claws out, numbers up, no messing around.
5. Ivadk (3063) – just a whisper behind, but still legendary all the same.

And then there’s North. Not content with one character, oh no. North’s out here flexing with not one, but two toons in the top 15.

• Lucifearo (2881) – 12th place and climbing.
• Northadin (2819) – 15th place, making paladins look respectable for once.

I mean, come on. Two slots in the top 15? If that’s not consistency, I don’t know what is. Not that I noticed. Shut up.

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Gizmo Outro

And that’s a wrap on Week 5! Some of you are legendary, some of you are allergic to logging in, and the rest… well, let’s just say you’re giving me job security. Keep climbing, keep slacking—either way, Gizmo gets to roast you.

Remember: it’s never too late to join the challenge. All the info’s in the pinned message in the Mythic+ channel on Discord. So quit making excuses, grab your keys, and let’s see if you’ve got what it takes.

Clipboard down, Gizmo out.